15/10/2014

Life Direction - Where do I go from here?

Today's blog is a little bit different from the types of posts I normally make, because it's something I've been thinking about for months now and I want to know if anyone else out there has either been through the same thing, or tackled something similar or is going through it themselves. I try not to post too personal a topic on my blog nowadays, but I think it's a good platform for connecting with others going through similar problems and for me it's a good way to get rid of some of the anxiety and the worries I end up scrolling through in my head. I promise there will be some pictures to break up the post, but if you have any advice, I would love to hear it!


So, about 4 months ago I moved and it's lovely in the Lake District and as you can see the view from my window is really uplifting, and I don't regret the big change because I'm with my family and I'm still in close contact with all my friends and I know that like most things, it will probably change again and I'm sure I'll move in the future and I'll always be able to see my friends and the world is open to me to explore, BUT, ever since I left university and graduated, I feel like my direction in life has become really muffled and I don't know where I'm going! Everytime I think about I have a really difficult time picturing myself doing anything at the moment, it's almost like a weird type of writer's block, but for real life.

Lately I find that all my thoughts have been taken up with thinking about my future, as in jobs, and where I want to live and what I want to do with my life, and I don't know if it's just a knee-jerk reaction to graduating and realising that now I have to have a think about what I am planning on doing now because the next 3 or so years aren't necessarily mapped out for me, but it's starting to get me down. I know what my passions are and I know that I probably will end up having a few different jobs in my lifetime, and hopefully learning lots of news things along the way, but at the moment I just have this huge fear of not knowing and I don't know how to get away from it or how to tackle it.

I feel like at 24 I should feel independent enough to be able to make these choices without much reproach and to be able to be laid back about whatever will be, will be, but for some reason I just feel like I'm not accomplishing anything unless I have all my thoughts and my life organised and sorted out, and I know that's mental, because I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who are feeling the same way, but I'm placing unnecessary stress on myself to accomplish basically EVERYTHING as soon as I can, otherwise I feel like I'm failing myself in a way.

Phew. I think we need another photo, just to space things out, and this is one of my 365 entries below.


And then I feel a bit ungrateful and pathetic because I'm not grabbing life and just getting on with it, and this all probably sounds a bit complicated, but I don't know if anyone else has experienced this? Is this just the post-university blues? It's even gotten to the point where my hobbies, including this, blogging, are taking a back-seat, because I'm placing my focus onto other things which is then making me worry because I feel like I'm not enjoying my free time or using it wisely, because it's taken up by worrying and then I worry about the worrying...oh dear. If you've read this far then thank you, and sorry this is so long and a bit complicated but I feel like it's a good idea to type my thoughts down and who knows, this may strike a chord with someone out there.

Have you experience this? How did you move out of the slump? 

Thank you and I hope that you are having a good day.

Tasha
xxx

6 comments:

  1. Hi Natasha, it does sound like you're putting so much pressure on yourself.. it's not easy for young people these days, the pressure to achieve is horrendous. Why not try for a stress free job just to earn a bit of money while you're making up your mind what it is that you would like to do. Might give you a little breathing time to work things through.

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  2. My life would be an incredibly bad example of what to do! But if I were to be starting all over again I'd make sure I was doing something, preferably something which has a connection to what you want to do in the future (if you know what that might be). You'll be gaining experience and when you come to be interviewed for that perfect job you'll have something to talk about. It'll work out!

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  3. Oh believe me, I spent the first year or so after university completely baffled as to what to do! There's nothing wrong with taking some time to figure out what you want from life. 24 isn't that old- I didn't start my post grad course til 25!!

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  4. I don't think I can offer any useful advice to you really, life is hard and you just figure things out as you go along, I'm sure things will work out for you, but I thought I'd say that you're not alone! I'm older than you - too old at 31! - and my life is in a mess at the moment. I didn't go to uni properly. I left school, did three years at college then got a job as a teaching assistant at a lovely school ( the one I went to!) . I worked there for 11 years, but 2 cuts to my weekly hours over the years meant I wasn't earning enough. I got the chance to do my teacher training so left my job and started that, but it didn't go to plan at all and I ended up quitting a year ago. Since then, I've been unemployed - doing a bit of work here and there as a supply TA, but not in a proper job, struggling to find one and feeling like a total failure and that I made a mess of everything. Dave and I are living with my parents, because we can't afford and own place, so my not having a job is holding us back and it's so depressing, but all I can do is hang on in there and keep hoping it'll all work out, whilst trying to get a job! Sorry to hijack the comments here, I know it's not the same but I just thought I could sympathise as I don't know where I'm going or what to do at the moment either!

    I think John has the right idea. What was your degree in? If you kind find a job, volunteering would be worthwhile as it can often lead to a job.

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  5. When I was finishing uni, two years ago now, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do but I had it in my head I didn't want to one one particular thing and then I kind of fell into looking for phds. I've never thought about doing one and one day I had a bit of a mini breakdown and basically applied for every phd i could find and ended up accepting on abroad. It was nice, an adventure and I knew what I would be doing for the next four years.

    Fast forward two years and I hate it. Absolutely hate it. And now I'm spending most of my time beating myself up about making the choice in a rush and wishing I could be doing all these other things, when really I didn't know I wanted to do these in the beginning and I should give myself a break. I understand where you are and I'm sitting in the same boat in some ways.

    I think though, life will work itself out and in really, there are so many years a head that there is time to accomplish anything you want!

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  6. Oh goodness, I remember the DOOM of not knowing what to do with my life after uni. I remember saying it over and over again- "What do I DO with my life???" and stressing at my then boyfriend. It is entirely natural and it happens to most people (unless they are something vocational like a doctor) . As it happens, I got a temping job and then I managed to get a coool job linked to my degree thanks to my uni tutor whose husband happened to be the head of the most prestigious music college in the country and needed a temporary PA whilst his went on maternity leave. The rest led on from that lucky break!
    You will get there. Stress ye not and enjoy the countryside whilst you can!x

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Thank you for visiting my little space, I hope you found something inspirational or interesting here. Leave a message if you like and I will get back to you as quickly as possible - Tasha